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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28738455">Prayers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenangel_Winchester/pseuds/Fallenangel_Winchester'>Fallenangel_Winchester</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Castiel is Bad at Feelings (Supernatural), Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, How Do I Tag, M/M, Oblivious Dean Winchester, Pining Castiel (Supernatural), Possibly Unrequited Love, Praying Castiel (Supernatural), Protective Castiel (Supernatural)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:20:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,220</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28738455</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenangel_Winchester/pseuds/Fallenangel_Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Angels don't pray, but Castiel is different.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Prayers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Ironic isn't it? An angel praying on his knees, lost and hopelessly drowning in emotions… having dreams and wishes, unbelievably human. ” echoed in his ears while he tried to pull himself together after the exhausting fight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cass! You alright?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I'll be fine Dean.” he replied, subtly wincing when he felt the toll on his vessel after he had used a tremendous amount of his newly returned grace, unfortunately that tiny gesture didn't slip past the Winchesters’ keen gaze and he noticed the way their eyes lit up with worry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As always Dean was the first one to say something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You went full on Hulk on them, Cass! One witch and more than a few demons, no wonder you look like you're gonna topple over. You should have waited for us.” Dean's anger crashed over him, but it was fleeting because the moment he stopped talking there was nothing, but genuine worry and affection in his expression. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That's enough Dean, I'm sure Cass had his reasons for acting before we arrived, although that was a risky move Cass.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, but I don't regret it.” he replied, waiting for them to disagree with him, instead Dean's lips twitched into a smirk as pride flew over his expression for a second before he turned to smile at Sam. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“See, spoken like a true Winchester.” he joked and chuckled at Sam’s lack of amusement. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Equally stubborn as well.” was the reply, but there was softness in his voice that made Cass feel like he was a part of the family. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on Cass, after a good hunt we deserve a good meal.” then he carefully threw his arm over Cass’ shoulders and together they started walking, all the while Dean and Sam bantered with each other leaving him to bask in the warmth that radiated from Dean. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The witch was right, it was unnatural for an angel to experience emotions the way humans did, to start dreaming, wishing for something, something other than his mission and he was aware of it, at least he started being aware of it a while ago, the witch’s mocking words only confirmed it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel never felt the need to ask for help, to beg his father for assistance or pray even though he tried it once when he was human and lost, it didn't work then and he couldn't fathom why he tried to do it again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean was slowly losing the fight against the influence of the mark, the darkness slowly taking over his light and something in Cass cried at the loss, so he pressed his palms together and started praying, only he didn't know how. Instead he let the emotions crash inside of him as he focused on the most important thing on his mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dean</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>His goodness, his humor, the way sometimes his words made no sense, yet his eyes spoke the truth, how he pretended not to care, only because he cared too much, how proud he was of his brother and how light Cass felt when that proud look was pointed at him. The way even when he was betrayed and angry he wouldn't give up on his family and something in Cass wanted to be a part of that family. To have that intense gaze pointed at him, to have his trust all the time, to be one of the few people Dean would go to hell and back, even though Cass would never let that happen, he'd rather… </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He couldn't imagine what he would do, but he didn't think there was something he wouldn't do to save Dean, to keep that strong and kind heart beating as long as possible. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Father… show me a way, there must be a cure and I won't stop until I find it, please… I can't see him become something he isn't, I won't see his soul broken and corrupted… this world needs him, I… I won't leave his side no matter what, he showed me that one can change his fate, so I won't let this darkness become his… </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That was one of the many prayers he whispered whenever he found himself in a difficult situation, an unusual habit that he wasn't even aware that he had, Naomi said that too much heart was his problem, it took him a long time to admit it, but she was right. He'd grown to love the humans the way an angel wouldn't be able to, he loved them like he was one of them, it felt as if he could experience their sorrows and joys like they were his own up to the point that he started wanting things the way only they could. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was tearing him apart, the thought that he had started dreaming, even longing for unattainable things, human things. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He caught himself longing for peaceful moments spent in the bunker, for the warmth of the sun on his skin, for the comfort he felt whenever someone hugged him, sometimes he felt deprived of affection and love up to the point that he almost whined whenever someone touched him with care. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was both confusing and exciting only to turn into panicking when each one of his so called prayers centered around one person, especially when he realized that all of his longing was gravitating around the one and only Dean Winchester. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel wanted and longed with an intensity that was slowly becoming obvious to everyone except for Dean, which kept his emotions at bay while at the same time made them stronger. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pretty soon his prayers weren't prayers anymore, they varied from replaying happy memories to heartache at the sight of Dean in pain, to end with fierce promises to protect the most important person in his existence. There were moments when he admired from a distance, occasions when he paid more time than it was necessary to check up on him, when he touched to heal even though it could have been done without it, he adopted some human traits and he wasn't even concerned about it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Those emotions separated him from the other angels, yet it wasn't a new thing, he was always a bit different and the time he spent with the Winchesters convinced him that it wasn't a bad thing at all, in fact most of the times they were proud of him which didn't help him with his longing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Listen to me, can't you see that I'd never do anything to hurt you, can't you see it in my eyes, how human I have become, how every disappointed look cuts me like an angel blade, how much I want and long for you… </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Prayer after selfish prayer made him strong enough to admit that he cared, brave enough to die to save those he loved and ready to say I love you even if that held the possibility to break their profound bond. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And he did, he said it out loud, gave power to those words and let them shine like a beacon, to keep Dean warm, to comfort him whenever he was lost and alone, for Dean to know how loved and special he was, as for him, he wanted nothing for himself, for he had more than he imagined. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had found a family and acceptance and despite everything it was enough for him. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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